Whenever I have been there I can never put my finger on why I have the thoughts. I look back at what I was like a few years, back before diagnosis and to be honest it's amazing that I have come out of the other side. Self harm and suicidal thoughts were a constant battle and happened quite regularly and I couldn't understand why. Always on the search for someone or something to blame but could never find the answer.
I am completely different now and that has all came down to acceptance that " I'm not wired up right" and that taking the tablets isn't such a big deal. Believe me though when I first got the tablets I hated taking them and didn't think they did anything - until I'd forget to take them for a couple of days and really notice my mood change. In laymen's terms my brain doesn't make enough of the right chemical and the tablets replace this. Simples. Don't get me wrong I didn't get a prescription for the drugs straight away I was completely against it. I first went on a psychodynamic therapy course of 12 weeks at the doctors, which worked great to put a lot of things to bed from the past when I was a kid.
What I am trying to say is you have to make the first step. I'm lucky to have an amazing wife that could see that I wasn't happy even though when asked the generic answer is " I'm Fine". Don't be scared to get help or ask for advice. I punished myself for years. All jazzyhands and smiley stu outside and then a mess when in my own company.
Dig deep, kick that duvet off the bed stick on some trainers and walk round the block. Set a positive goal for something in the future that is achievable.
BREAK THE CYCLE OF THE DARK SIDE
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