Small mans syndrome

I could never tell you when and at what point the depression started or the anxiety and to be honest when I felt the feeling of anxiety I just put it down to a dodgy turn like standing up too fast. The point when I really felt different was when I stopped playing rugby. I had played rugby from the age of 6 when my Grandad took me down to the local rugby team to man me up. Every Sunday morning in the lovely British winter was spent running round a muddy field chasing an egg shaped ball.
     As I got older my Grandads love for the sport had been past on and I became an alright player but I had developed small mans syndrome. This means if I was a dog I would be a Jack Russell. A little angry thing that was in the middle of any trouble on the pitch and the man that most forward hated. All my aggression and frustration that had developed in that week at school or at home was taken out in that 80 mins on a pitch. That's the great thing about rugby. Both teams can literally kick the sh*t out of each other but then be best mates mates once the final whistle has been blown.

Once I was injured and couldn't play the game again I started to change. Only looking back at it now I can see the change but I am told by my close friends and now my wife I did quite a lot. I was jumping from job to job blaming everybody else for the reason of leaving. 1 of my elements from the fire triangle I explained in the previous
post had been taken away and my fire was being extinguished. I couldn't face work, that duvet had become 10 stone and I couldn't talk to anybody because nobody understood. Or that's what I thought. If it wasn't for the love of the friends and family around me then the next step would not of been possible.

After doctors appointments and then a random conversation with 2 friends in the gym I was doing therapy and training for a challenge, The Arch 2 Arc. The longest and hardest triathlon in the world. Not only were we going to attempt to complete it but we were attempting to break the world record.

The fire inside had just been re stoked, Stu Baker was back in the game.

I'm not trying to tell you to book yourself in for the next world record attempt just to look at the bigger picture and the things that make you tic to make up that fire triangle. Have a routine or a plan that makes you happy. Exercise is the best medication for depression and anxiety and not used enough in todays society but that's another blog.

Look back and be honest with yourself, stop blaming other people for the way you feel. They might have something to do with it but they cant put it right only you can. Talk to people and find that person you can vent too so you can close those doors behind you and take the next pathway to a happier future.

Take care guys

The Fire Triangle

I have had an amazing 4 week break over the summer starting with an all inclusive week away in Portugal with my amazing wife and yes all inclusive, to us Brits means eat and drink as much as you can in the time you are awake to get your monies worth. It was a wonderful week to completely chill out from life stresses and enjoy the time in the sun chatting to the wife about random stuff, really it was mainly about cycling ;-) . After we got back from the holiday it was a quick turnaround and I was off to spend some quality time with my number 1. Which included beach hopping, adrenaline quarry, Flambards, seal sanctuary lots of pasty eating and then meeting up with old navy shipmates I haven't seen in years which obviously resulted in a wood burner and plenty of beer. I had a great time with the number 1 and it was good to talk for a few days filled with plenty of giggling. Good job she has my sense of humour!! Yet again as soon as I returned form Cornwall it was down to Somerset to spend time with the younger 2. Swimming, Crab fishing which ended up catching an eel which to a man who is scared of snakes freaked me right out which followed with plenty of park action. The evenings again ended up much the same as Cornwall catching up with shipmates drinking & talking to early hours and then sleeping on the sofa.


The trouble is during those 4 weeks there were many days that I forgot to take my tablets which isn't a problem every now and again but a couple of days missing mixed with lager consumption is not a good mix. I had an amazing 4 weeks off spending time with people I love but there were a few dark days amongst that and was very hard top pull myself together put a smile on my face and get my jazzy hands out. Essentially its all my own fault and drink is probably the worst thing for someone who experiences depression and anxiety. At the time you feel great and I can deal with the hang over the next day but its the grey matter upstairs playing tricks on you.

Can you remember the fire triangle they taught you at school with oxygen, fuel and heat being the sections of that triangle. If you take one of them away the fire dies. I tend to work exactly like that said triangle but replace oxygen, fuel and heat  with Sleep, healthy eating / drinking and exercise. Take any of those away or mess about with one the flame tends to run a bit weak. So its all about balance and everything in moderation.

All good now and looking forward to getting my teeth stuck into work moulding and shaping the future of young people. Back on the bike, less drinking and a clean diet will be good for the mindset and I have started volunteering for the charity Time to change. This charity is awesome. The whole idea is to kick the stigma of mental illness and the way to do that is to educate people.

Did you know that 1 in 4 people within their lifetime will experience some form of mental illness. that's a massive number if you think about. Also suicide is now the biggest killer for men aged between 20 - 49. This number needs to come down. Why should mental illness have the stigma attached to it. Why can we talk about cancer so freely and not depression. Why do people need to whisper when someone is acting a bit differently.

All it takes is to start talking about our experiences and share stories and let people know that its okay to talk about it. People that you may have heard of have spoken about their past. Stephen fry, Ruby Wax and Frank Bruno are just a few names that back this charity and have experienced some form of mental illness. Take a look at the website and maybe make a pledge yourself.

www.time-to-change.org.uk





Take care guys and catch up with you soon.