Small mans syndrome

I could never tell you when and at what point the depression started or the anxiety and to be honest when I felt the feeling of anxiety I just put it down to a dodgy turn like standing up too fast. The point when I really felt different was when I stopped playing rugby. I had played rugby from the age of 6 when my Grandad took me down to the local rugby team to man me up. Every Sunday morning in the lovely British winter was spent running round a muddy field chasing an egg shaped ball.
     As I got older my Grandads love for the sport had been past on and I became an alright player but I had developed small mans syndrome. This means if I was a dog I would be a Jack Russell. A little angry thing that was in the middle of any trouble on the pitch and the man that most forward hated. All my aggression and frustration that had developed in that week at school or at home was taken out in that 80 mins on a pitch. That's the great thing about rugby. Both teams can literally kick the sh*t out of each other but then be best mates mates once the final whistle has been blown.

Once I was injured and couldn't play the game again I started to change. Only looking back at it now I can see the change but I am told by my close friends and now my wife I did quite a lot. I was jumping from job to job blaming everybody else for the reason of leaving. 1 of my elements from the fire triangle I explained in the previous
post had been taken away and my fire was being extinguished. I couldn't face work, that duvet had become 10 stone and I couldn't talk to anybody because nobody understood. Or that's what I thought. If it wasn't for the love of the friends and family around me then the next step would not of been possible.

After doctors appointments and then a random conversation with 2 friends in the gym I was doing therapy and training for a challenge, The Arch 2 Arc. The longest and hardest triathlon in the world. Not only were we going to attempt to complete it but we were attempting to break the world record.

The fire inside had just been re stoked, Stu Baker was back in the game.

I'm not trying to tell you to book yourself in for the next world record attempt just to look at the bigger picture and the things that make you tic to make up that fire triangle. Have a routine or a plan that makes you happy. Exercise is the best medication for depression and anxiety and not used enough in todays society but that's another blog.

Look back and be honest with yourself, stop blaming other people for the way you feel. They might have something to do with it but they cant put it right only you can. Talk to people and find that person you can vent too so you can close those doors behind you and take the next pathway to a happier future.

Take care guys